Share Your Story


Be part of something special with us

We have an opportunity to contribute and support our dear friend and mentor, Dr. Betty Lou Bettner. She is one of the contributors to the development of Adlerian psychology. Together with Amy Lew, she extrapolated “The Crucial Cs” from Alfred Adler‘s four core needs (belonging, improve (from a felt minus to a felt plus), significance, and encouragement):




Family Leadership Center curriculum is, at its roots, all about spreading awareness of the Crucial Cs and helping parents practice leading their families with the Crucial Cs in mind.

Betty Lou Bettner is in the process of writing a new parenting book. The draft title is: “Our Creative Children,” and the theme is parenting and the Crucial Cs. In the final chapter, Betty Lou will be spotlighting stories from real families. Sharing the challenges faced and the successes enjoyed in real families deepens the work and helps other parents learn how to try this for themselves.


Will you share your story?

We know that each parent who has participated with Family Leadership Center has stories to tell.  Would you be willing to share your story and have it published in the book? It could be an example from within your own family, or using the Crucial Cs in your workplace, or in your classroom, or with a relationship. Do you have an example of something you added or changed that solved a dilemma or a question in your family after taking a Family Leadership Center course? 

How to participate

  • Follow the form below and submit your story.
  • You can write it in polished prose or bullet points – whatever you feel comfortable with.
  • Sharing your contact information will allow Betty Lou to be in touch.
  • Should she choose to include your submission in the book, you will be included in the final wording.
  • Certainly, should you choose for your submission to remain anonymous, that will be honored.


Some examples…

Submission 1:

“While taking my first class with Family Leadership Center, I started the practice of daily “special time” with my 7-year-old son. I knew from my learning of the Crucial Cs that he was not only wanting to Connect, but also to feel Capable as the youngest member of our family. He chose a laser chess game that we had never played before. I groaned inwardly, feeling the weight of the thick rule booklet in my hand. How are we going to figure this out? After a few minutes of digging into it, I discovered my son was no longer in the room. He had taken one of the laser pointer pieces of the game and run off. I bristled. We’re supposed to be spending time together! I started to chase him down to bring him back to learning the game, when I remembered. The point was for him to have an experience of connection and to feel like he got the say in what we were doing. I dropped the plan to learn the game and got curious about where he had gone. He was using the laser pointer to whip our dog into a playful frenzy. We spent the next 10 minutes laughing and connecting. He couldn’t wait to do Special Time again, and I learned a simple but powerful lesson about the importance of connecting with my son where he is and letting him have that time where he’s calling the shots. He sat at the dinner table that night calmer and prouder than I’d seen him in weeks.” – Mom of two, Philadelphia, PA

Submission 2:
  • I’m a mom of a teenage daughter who has been saying really hurtful things to the other members of our family lately.
  • I was at a loss until I started studying how that behavior could be linked to the missing Crucial C of “Count.”
  • It has helped me keep my temper when she’s displaying that behavior. I imagine her with a sign on that says “I need to matter right now.”
  • I now ask curiosity questions to see if I can find out where she’s feeling hurt and lost.
  • She’s opening up to me more about stuff at school.
  • It’s not perfect but I feel more connected with her than I did before.